Long ago you came to me, 

A miracle of firsts:

First smiles and teeth and baby steps,

A sunbeam on the burst.

But one day you will move away, 

And leave me to your past.

And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts.

-Karen Kingsbury

So back to paying attention to your children… I found this link for the 30 Day Mom Challenge from iMom and I’m starting it TODAY! I encourage you to as well. Great stuff. Easy but meaningful. Happy mothering, friends!

(click on the picture to make it clearer)

-John Rosemond

You should probably keep looking if your 2-year-old walks around the house sing-songing, ‘No like Kelly*, no like Kelllllyyyyyyy’. Even though it’s been a month since Kelly has visited or even been mentioned.

*All names have been changed to protect the privacy of the sitter, who in all honesty probably did nothing worse than tell the 2-year-old she can’t smear chapstick on the dogs.

My sweet dad started writing ‘Devotions for My Grandkids’ on his personal blog a few months ago. We read them every morning over breakfast. They are short and simple enough for even the youngest kids but speak to believers of all ages.

This morning’s devotion was one of my favorites…

Devotions for my Grandkids July 7

You can subscribe to the rest of Devotions for My Grandkids here.

But this granola is really good, super easy to make and full of healthy stuff. It’s naturally gluten-free as well!

5 cups oats

The official first day of summer was just a couple of days ago (even though it’s been a ka-thousand degrees here every day for a month), so it’s a perfect opportunity to think purposefully about the next 3 months and how you want to spend them. There are no rules for the list. Allie says,

If we want to have a fun, fabulous, meaningful life, I believe it helps to plan for it! Our shared calling on this beautifully broken earth is to ENJOY God and GLORIFY Him. Now and forever. What are some of the things you love? Things that make you feel fully alive and free – and inspire you to live with your arms and heart wide open?

So here is Minivan Mama’s Summer Bucket List, and I encourage you to share yours!

1. Take kids “hiking” on the Natchez Trace. Pack a picnic lunch and collect leaves or rocks.

2. Go on a mini-vacation, just the four of us… maybe Chattanooga, or Cheaha State Park….

3. Learn to bake bread. Not even by hand either. Just get the bread that my super nice Home Bakery Supreme Bread Machine bakes to turn out more like bread and less like that lumpy, heavy brick that I keep getting.

4. Practice reading and writing with Sam.

5. Bring both kids to the barn with me to brush/bathe/pet/love on Lillie.  Maybe convince Sam to ride her before the summer’s out.

6. Take at least one overnight with the Clay. Even if it’s just to the Hampton Inn.

7. See NKOTBSB with my college besties. Jealous???

8. Read a real book.

9. Set up a lemonade stand with the kids and then let them decide how to use our profits to help somebody who needs it.

10. Go to Disney World!

Still, if your husband is like mine, he is an amazing father… patient, kind, generous with his time and affection, providing love and security to all of us. He deserves more than a gift card to Home Depot. A gift card that will probably be used to buy something for a project you’ve been nagging him about for months.

Instead, something made just for him by your children’s grubby little hands will be cherished forever and will cost you only time and a messy kitchen.

Check out these links for some great ideas:

1. Martha Stewart.com has several Father’s Day Craft options, a couple of which are actually doable for artistically challenged people like myself. The Father’s Day Notepad is my personal favorite. Easy-peasy. People like Working Mama and Crunchy Mama who can thread bobbins and bake bread might be interested in the more challenging projects- like the super cute Tee Time Cupcakes or the Custom Apron.

2. Bhg.com has a list of Easy Father’s Day Crafts for Kids. I wouldn’t say they are all that easy. But then again, I have trouble opening a box of cereal. The Toolbox is fun and kids love an excuse to paint. But if somebody tried to put that Fishing Lure Lampshade in my house I would put it in a special place for safekeeping (storage).

3. I love love love the World’s Best Dad Trophy at kaboose.com. Sam is obsessed with trophies so I think he’d love making that. The Fingerprint Mug is sweet too and something a little different than all the handprint crafts. Check out the rest of the list here.

My own ideas… have your kids make a list of all the things they love about Daddy. If they are old enough to do it in their own handwriting it will be extra special. Or fill out a questionnaire about Dad like I posted last year. Not exactly ‘crafty’ but still special and homemade. Throw in a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake and this will be the Best Father’s Day ever!

The last few weeks have been busy, full of everything and nothing. My days are jam-packed from start to finish, and at the end of every day I sit in my still-messy house, look at the piles of unfolded laundry and wonder WHAT IN THE WORLD DID I DO ALL DAY?

Let’s see..

I have a 4.5 year old who is completely incapable of entertaining himself. This very minute he is wallering on the floor because I will not come ‘tell him a story about engines’, which is a game he likes to play wherein I sit on the floor and narrate the actions his trains are making. He constantly bosses and corrects me. I STRONGLY DISLIKE this game.

I finally moved my horse, Lillie, from North Carolina to a farm in Tupelo. I love love love having her here, she is like my therapy but she also takes up an additional 2-3 hours a day, several days a week.

We’ve been on the road a lot- my Nanny had a bad health scare and we visited her, then the H-to-the-Ubby and I went to a Weekend to Remember marriage conference. Which was wonderful, by the way. Wonderful because we learned a lot about each other and how to strengthen our marriage that weekend. Also wonderful because we got to sleep in a bed ALL BY OURSELVES FOR TWO. WHOLE. NIGHTS.

Then we met up with Crunchy Mama, Nana and BoBo in Chattanooga for a couple of days, and made a last minute trip to North Carolina. Followed by all the craziness of Easter stuff, Mother’s Day, End-of-the-Year Parties and then, ahhhhh, a week at the beach.

Outside of travel, the Boy and the Bird are keeping me busy. They are learning to play together but I wouldn’t say they are ‘good’ at it yet. Even while I write this post they are trying to kill each other. Just to get my attention.

Oh, P.S. Ellie is two. She is soooo two. She is the twoest of all twos. Way more two than Sam ever was. It’s exhausting. But she is funny and super cute, so we will keep her.

The Boy is 4 and I have to say, I’m really enjoying him right now. I think something happens around 4 where your child starts to turn back into a normal human being. Still not the 100% angel-faced sweet gurgly yumminess they were at 9 months (they will never be that sweet again, sob), but much less of the crazy-eyed psycho they are at 2. I mean, he’s still part psycho. Probably 75/25 sweet/psycho. Which means we can do things with him like EAT AT RESTAURANTS! GO GROCERY SHOPPING! MINGLE WITH THE GENERAL PUBLIC WITHOUT FEAR OF SUDDEN EMBARRASSING MELTDOWNS!

And of course, I’ve been doing my fair share of worrying and researching and then worrying even more. My biggest concern lately has been Sam’s size. He is very small for his age. I wasn’t too worried about it until recently, when the gaps in size between him and his peers has become increasingly obvious. He is on the 0% line for height on the growth charts. 5% for weight. So we’ve had BLOOD DRAWN (traumatic) and tests done and I’ve spent even more time on the Interwebs searching things like ‘growth delay’, ‘short stature’ and ‘is my child a hobbit?’ I’m gonna post more on this later, it makes my head explode to think about it right now.

Holy boredom, is anybody still reading this?? Well, if you are, thank you for caring about the details of my mundane life. What I really want you to know is that while I’ve been busy with all of the above, there are soooo many things I’ve wanted to blog about and just haven’t had the time. Like some really great pieces of parenting advice I’ve received lately. My new favorite source for birthday invitations. This make-at-home coffee salt scrub that leaves your skin all tight and shiny (and your husband’s shower kind of gritty and slippery, oops). Father’s Day Crafts your kids can make for your Baby Daddy. And lots more.

So keep checking in… and please share what’s been keeping you busy lately. Any fun trips? Cool recipes? Funny stories about how your kid said something really embarrassing like “How come that lady’s face looks like that?” in his normal/extremelyloud speaking voice?

Last year, The Autism Center for Tupelo had a gala where I ran into an old friend I hadn’t seen in a long time. She thanked me repeatedly for coming and honestly, I wasn’t sure why. We attend charity functions often and I didn’t think I was doing anything special by attending this one. Finally, she said, “You know my Jack has autism?” No, I actually had no idea. I had the chance to speak briefly with her about their experience and decided right then that she should share her story on our blog. Although I know how often it is diagnosed, I actually do not know anyone with a child who has been diagnosed. 

Well, she was kind enough to write the post and got it to me in April. And I actually started typing this in APRIL (self-loathing is ensuing because of how pathetic I am for not getting this up then. Actually, what had happened was, I typed the entire post and then my STUPID computer didn’t save it and I lost the whole thing and I don’t know about y’all, but if I completely type something up and then lose it, I cannot fathom re-typing it for a very long time…so that’s what happened). Anyhoo… I am back at it and want to share with you guys (are there any of you left??) the amazing and inspiring things she has to say… 

And I want to encourage you to watch your children and if you see any signs, please take them and get them tested! It is the best possible thing you can do for them. 

Lisa says: 

When we learned that our first born was indeed going to be a boy, there was joy beyond words that day in our household. My husband, Jonathan, would get to teach our strapping son how to throw a baseball, how to swing a golf club and hope that one day he would get a scholarship to an Ivy League school. I was overjoyed in the fact that I would have a “momma’s boy” who would always put me over any girlfriend he had and that come hell or high water, he was going to be polite, courteous, and unselfish. 

 These were the things we planned for in the months leading up to his birth. It was all new and exciting, but in hind sight, extremely naïve and superficial. 

 Jack was born to us on October 14, 2006. For his first ten months, I experienced bliss and serenity that I had never imagined would come along with motherhood. I always heard about incessant crying, restless nights, and how for the first year your house and family becomes a wreck because it’s all about the baby. Well Jack was the complete opposite. I could take Jack anywhere. He never cried. He slept when I slept. He would just sit and watch me do whatever it was that I was doing. He was literally, the easiest baby in the world. He progressed normally. He met all of his milestones on time, if not early. 

 At twelve months, he was doing great except for the talking. He said bye-bye and duck and that was it. We worried to a point, but everyone, including his doctor, said “Boys talk later than girls.” We took his word on it. At fourteen and fifteen months, it became increasingly worrisome that his language had not progressed. My biggest concern was that he had never said “momma“; a word that is typically the first word for most babies. We did our first bit of Internet research and of course were horrified with what the possible reasons were for his slow language development. When we were first introduced to the term “Autism” I immediately dismissed it because the only symptom I felt Jack possessed was the language delay. Most autistic children had behavioral problems that Jack didn’t remotely show signs of. 

 We decided, as his parents, to not worry about his delay until he reached eighteen months. At fifteen months, he became ill. It was a few weeks after his round of immunization shots, although I will not say that I firmly believe that the two events are directly related. He ran an extremely high temperature and laid around for days. Within a week, we realized that the few words he had disappeared. He went completely silent. He lost all eye contact. He quit playing with toys. All of which are symptoms of autism. 

 The next few months were gruesome. He was evaluated. And re-evaluated. He started speech and occupational therapy. We quickly realized that there were many areas in which Jack was deficient. Our world quickly shattered into a million little pieces and all that was left were questions: 

What does a diagnosis of Autism mean? 

What will his life be like? 

 What will our life be like? 

 What caused it and could it have been prevented? 

Did we do something wrong? 

Perhaps the most frustrating part of that process is that there are no answers. 

The next year and a half was a very dark time for us. We had slowly come to grips with Jack’s diagnosis and what his needs were going to be. We spent our days going to and from different therapies. And we experienced a severe depression as a family. 

An important part of the process when dealing with a special needs child is the need to mourn. Mourn for the things that your child will never get to do. Mourn for how difficult his life will be. Dreams we had as his parents of him playing high school football transform into hopes that he won’t be bullied or picked on for being in a special ed class. 

A frightening statistic of families with Autism is 80% of parents will divorce under the pressure and stress of raising an autistic child. The depression alone can lead to the demise of a family. My husband made the commitment early on to not allow that to happen to us. He was always the one to see the positives in our situation and in Jack. He quickly showed me that while autism sometimes felt like a curse for our family, it was also a blessing. 

We celebrate every day in our house. Celebrations that might not have occurred otherwise. When Jack can sit for longer than five minutes, we praise him. When Jack has spontaneous conversation like “Good morning, mama”, I cry tears of joy. When he learned to count to ten, we had a party. He sometimes argues with his little brother, and it makes me so proud to see that he is able to enjoy a few simple tastes of a normal childhood, even if it is for a fleeting moment. Every little bit of progress he makes is a cause for celebration, and we find reason to do so every single day. 

Jack didn’t speak another word from about 16 months on. The silence in our house at that time was deafening. We had come to the realization that Jack may never speak. We tried numerous failed attempts at teaching him sign language. And then came the Christmas of 2009 . We were given “Baby Signing Time” DVDs. And that changed our world. Something in those videos clicked for Jack, and he began to communicate using his small, precious hands. A huge sense of relief came with knowing that he could communicate, in some form, with us. Over the previous three years, even though Jack was non-verbal, we tried to still have conversations with Jack. We asked him questions, told him about our day, and told him repeatedly how much we loved him. Now, there was a small pay-off to our continued hope. 

In August of 2010, he began receiving therapy at the Autism Center of Tupelo. After one month into his therapy, he came home from school and, as we were playing on the bed, he looked me square in the eye and said “ma-ma.” A day I had been dreaming about for the last three years happened in an instant, and it was the sweetest, most profound sound I had ever experienced. Within a month, he was counting to ten. By mid-October he was saying his ABCs. And now, eight months later, his vocabulary is as large as a typical four year old. 

Even though he struggles with usage and spontaneous conversation (he frequently just repeats what is said to him or repeats phrases from his favorite shows) he continues to amaze us daily with the voice and thoughts that are inside his little brain that we were so afraid we would never get to experience as his parents. We continue to be surprised, thankful and amazed at his abilities. And it’s given us much hope for his future. 

Jack will turn five this September. He will begin preschool in a class for developmentally delayed children. It is highly likely he will be in special education classes. While I am at times deathly afraid for what his future holds, I know that I must relinquish control and trust his teachers and therapists.  I will find comfort in knowing that we, as his parents, did everything we could early on to ensure the best possibility for his success at school. 

I am extremely hopeful for Jack. But it was a long road to find peace about our situation.  The most important realization that I would share with others in similar situations is, if you’ve ever met one child with Autism, then you know one child with Autism. No two children are alike. No two children will possess the same characteristics. This can be frustrating at first. It also makes it difficult to diagnose. But it eventually becomes a beautiful aspect to children on the spectrum. Everyone has different challenges. They all excel at certain things while being deficient in others. This also makes it hard to compare your children to others on the spectrum. No matter how hard you try not to compare, it will happen. But the sooner you realize that these wonderful children are all completely different, the easier it will be to focus on one’s own child, their unique strengths and weaknesses, and the sooner you can get them the individualized attention they’ll need to help them thrive. 

Another piece of advice I would give to parents would be to trust your instinct. No one knows your child better than you do. First of all, if you have concerns regarding your child’s development and your doctor tells you to wait it out, don’t. Call Early Intervention or find another doctor who will listen to your concerns. The first three years are vital for children on the spectrum and the sooner they can receive treatment, the greater their chances are of success later on. Secondly, try out doctors and therapists until you find one who is best suited for your child. We went through a number of professionals who were all very good at their job, but for one reason or another didn’t reach Jack. When you find the right one, you’ll know it, and so will your child. And thirdly, because autism is a spectrum disorder, and that spectrum is extremely broad, find the therapy and treatment that works best for you and your child. Every specialist you meet in your journey will tell you that their therapy is best, and that others will do more harm than good. Well, they can’t all be right…right? One therapist told me that at all costs, don’t allow him to retreat into his own world. And over time, I’ve found that Jack reacts more on a personal level if you simply go into his world. Our most intimate and most interactive moments happen when I become a character in his one of his stories or we re-enact one of his favorite Little Einsteins episodes. And once we’ve spent time in his world, he’s more willing to spend time in ours. And if there is an opportunity for me to interact with Jack, where he will look me in the eye for longer than a second and he will have a two-way conversation with me, I will go to the ends of the earth and back for that opportunity. And no therapist in the world can make me believe that is a bad thing. 

 So trust your instincts. Trust your child and the ways they’ve found to communicate with you, however miniscule or fleeting they may be. 

 And lastly, find a support system. It’s sometimes difficult to understand what a child with special needs along with his parents experience on a daily basis. And it’s often hard to identify with the daily struggles of these families unless you are in the same situation. People who aren’t familiar with children of special needs have no idea how depressing special occasions, such as birthdays and holidays, can be. How difficult a trip to the grocery store or restaurant can be. How scary it is to consider a babysitter, even though you know you need one night a month to go out and try to retrieve your sanity. 

 But there are other parents out there who can completely identify with you and these feelings. Seek out other parents of autistic children. Seek out their advice, their sympathetic ear, and the comfort of knowing that you’re not alone in your times of doubt, guilt, and sadness. They will be able to show you that in order to function, you must release any expectations you had as a parent. Release the expectations you had for your child before they were born and before you knew there was a problem. You must live in the moment. And know that while there will be many moments of tribulation, there will also be many moments of jubilation. It’s up to you as their parent to recognize those, and strive to experience those moments as often as possible. And to always, always be grateful, for the blessing and gift of having a child. 

Lisa Martin 

You can find Lisa on Facebook and also at her blog: Born to Run… a Princess Marathon  

Lisa and her Jack