Boob Cheese and Booty Fat
by Minivan Mama on March 10, 2010
So I can’t be the only one who saw Kelly Ripa eat cheese made from breast milk on TV yesterday morning. Apparently there is a husband-and-wife chef team in NYC with a restaurant, Klee Brasserie, that is taking the idea of locally sourced, sustainable food to a new extreme. They’ve recently had a newborn baby; new baby = lactating mommy. I guess this mommy makes plenty of milk, because they are using her extra pumped milk to make cheese to SERVE TO CUSTOMERS IN THEIR RESTAURANT.
Now, I am not as squeamish about breast milk as Working Mama. I did actually eat some of my own recently. And I didn’t vomit. But I didn’t enjoy it either. And I CERTAINLY have no interest in eating someone else’s breast milk. But according to Chef/Restaurateur Daniel Angerer and Bovine/Restaurateur Lori Mason, cheese made from breast milk is delicious, “kind of sweet”, and pairs well with Riesling. What. Ever.
So Kelly Ripa gets wind of this and orders samples of it to consume this morning on Live with Regis and Kelly with guest host Andy Richter (Regis was conveniently out for his 19th hip replacement). And lemme just say, I heart Kelly Ripa. Sometimes she’s annoying but mostly she’s the perfect mix of cute and spunky and goofy. Like the time she dressed up as Paula Deen for Halloween and made butter kabobs. Butter on a stick. Hee-larious. And I gotta be honest, I’m impressed with her eating boob cheese on national TV. That takes some nerve. I think it takes nerve to eat boob cheese period, but especially in front of millions of viewers.
Here’s the other thing about Kelly Ripa. She’s so tiny. Itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini tiny. I could fit her in my pocket. So I’m watching this all unfold this morning, little bitty KR using her perfectly sculpted arms to shovel high fat Teet Brie in her mouth and EUREKA! It hit me. These last 10 pounds that will not get the eff. off. my booty. The other 20 pounds I would have to lose to look like Lil’ Ripa. In fuzzy lighting. If I was wearing black. Breast feeding burns lots of calories. You see where I’m going with this?? If breast feeding burns 500-1000 extra calories per day per child, imagine how many calories I could burn if I OPENED MY OWN DAIRY.
I’ll call it The Fun Bag Creamery. We’ll make Titty Swiss. Hooter Havarti. Maybe I’ll set up at the farmer’s market this spring. Any pre-orders?
10 comments
I am about to pee from laughing so hard!
by Megan on March 10, 2010 at 11:06 am. #
I wonder what sort of pricing system you would use. I mean, organic cow’s milk is more expensive than regular. And, human milk is whole-fat. So, I am thinking that stuff is gonna be pricey… and the more you charge, the more people will want.
Let me know if you need someone to help you produce. I am always looking for a way to make money. And, I already make milk. I think it would be selfish if we kept all this good stuff to ourselves.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Thanks for this post!
by Nashbill Mom on March 10, 2010 at 11:33 am. #
Holy crap! I think I laughed so hard booby milk came out my nose!!!!
by Mountain Mama on March 10, 2010 at 1:49 pm. #
You bring up some really good points, NM… If I eat only organic, does that make my breast milk organic? And how do I get USDA certified organic? They’ll probably need a stool sample. Actually not, I just like to use ‘stool sample’ in a sentence.
So yay, NM, I’ve got a partner at the Dirty Pillows Dairy. I’m thinking we can expand our product line to more than just cheese. Cream of Booby Soup. Knocker-Pops. TCBY- The Country’s Breast Yogurt.
by Minivan Mama on March 10, 2010 at 1:52 pm. #
I had to read this to my husband over the phone its so funny! Be careful though, dont want to create a black market for the stuff!
by Lauren on March 10, 2010 at 3:13 pm. #
Lauren, There actually IS a black market for breast milk. Obviously, if you are one of the fortunate moms who make a ton of milk (I was with The Boy and it’s actually not all that great- tummy aches, fussy baby, etc.), you are encouraged to DONATE your extra milk to milk banks, which in turn use the milk for special needs cases- preemies, babies with AIDS or other immunological disorders, etc. But there are some greedy little Flossies out there who are selling their breast milk on eBay. For about $2 an ounce! That’s a cost of $50-60 PER DAY or $1500 PER MONTH to feed your baby. Makes formula seem cheap doesn’t it? I don’t think it’s actually illegal but it certainly doesn’t strike me as highly ethical either…
by Minivan Mama on March 10, 2010 at 3:42 pm. #
Hahaha!!! My jaw is on the floor!?!!? Kelly Ripa ate booby cheese….let me repeat so i can fully process this…Kelly Ripa ate booby cheese!!! wow. yuck-ola! Keep me posted on the Crabb Dairy Farm and if you need some contract workers!!
ummm, and you heart kelly ripa?!?! separate from her arms and hot bod which i covet, i am not a bit interested or amused my her personality!!
by baby mama aka em on March 10, 2010 at 3:47 pm. #
Jroc just came in and asked me if I had heard of Chest Cheese, like he’s some brilliant person who just discovered this. I totally acted like I had been hip to it for years and he was just catching on. I can’t have him knowing something before me-obviously. I also can’t stand when he acts like he knows celebrity gossip before me. That is my forte’- step off.
You know how I feel about this. Greedy little Flossies cracked me up! ahahaha.
I’m also on the Ripa-Wagon. Hers is funny.
by Working Mama on March 10, 2010 at 9:32 pm. #
Okay, so I do not normally watch the 2nd half of the Today show with Kathy Lee and Oda, but I did yesterday and they did a segment on this as well. They offered anyone in the studio $100 or $150 to eat it (apparently that is what they get if they end up on camera). NO ONE would volunteer until some unsuspecting 20 something man walked into the room late, heard $100 for eating cheese…didn’t ask any questions and volunteered….teach him to be late. They told him AFTER he took his first bite!
by schokiegirl on March 11, 2010 at 6:12 am. #
HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too funny, but soooooo gross! I’ve never heard of such. I’m all about nursing my babies, but no need to pass the stuff around and especially for cheese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by Leigh Ann on March 12, 2010 at 2:02 pm. #